Once upon Taciturnity

What ever is there left to say?

When words fall flat on the clouded floor, and epiphany is knocking at your Cellar Door...

What is there left to say?

Denial is a way of survival, acceptance twilights you into another zone. And the words not said, are the ones that hurt to the bone...


When it is better to say nothing than say everything at all...
...What ever is there left to say?

Letters stand next to each other...
...Laconic...
...Moronic...

Stares glace at each other...
...Harmful...
...Dreadful...

Obvious silent Truths face each other...
...Mascarating...
...Liberating...

And when everything has been said in the deafening scream of reticence...

What is there left to say?

Once upon a silence

. . . dot, dot, dot. . . 

...Words are strangers to me... enemies...

Aware of what has to be said, my fingers do not manage to type.

 Can I trust my printer, to carry the message through?

day in 

day out... 

16 days... and it's done...

whenever will certainty strike?

. . . dot, dot, dot. . .

The room remains in a deafening silence. The endless buzz of an overworked computer is entrancing. 

A cold drop of vanity runs through my back, freezing down to my bones. 

. . . dot, dot, dot. . .

...The words not said,  hold more power than those shout out loud...

Es gab ein mahl, Wissenschaft

Es gibt einige zeite, wann ich mich selbst frage, ob was ich denke, dass ich weiss, ich wirklich weiss. 

Und dann, ich bin sicher, dass ich nichts weiss... Und als S. gesagt hat, das ist alles was ich weiss...

... Manchmahl, ich frage mich selbst, ob ich blind bin... Ob was ich sehe wirklich dort ist... 

... Vielleicht, ich sehe nur was ich sehen will... Vielleicht woruber ich sicher war, existiert nicht...

... Manchmahl, ich frage mich selbst, ob ich taub bin... Ob etwas klingt, die ich nicht hoeren will...

... Vielleicht, was ich zu ignorieren versuche, ist was mir sichern koennte... Vielleicht, was ich hoere hat niemahls geklingt, sondern es ist nur in meinem Kopf...

...Manchmahl, ich frage mich selbst, ob ich verrukt bin...

... Aber ich weiss diese anwort schon...

Habia una vez, a daily pill...

Y si escojo to aknoledge the fact que mi hipotesis inicial was true???
Que nececito external help, quimicos magicos destined to lighten meine graue Tage???
Wo bu zhidao...

I want to Stop acting... get real...
Pero la unica forma de ser real, es atraves de algo falzo...
Ich bin verbirrt... Nem Ertem...

Cada dia que pasa, I get a little more confused... Weiss nicht mehr, genau was ich machen sollte...
wo yao he wo nanpengyou zhu zai Vienna, buguo wo bu zhidao ruguo wo ta ai...
Wo aile(guo) ta, buguo xianzai, wo meyou yisi...

Talvez la senial esperada sera lo que necesito, maybe I'm waiting on an impossible...
Vieleicht was ich machen soll, ist nicht was ich gedacht habe.
Hai Keyi, ta he wo bu yao yichi shi...Nem Tudom...

Jenda!

Buguo, wo juede, wo yao xiabian...
I want Out...

Once upon an Open Heart

"... Shattered I stand... I belong to no one, for I belong to everybody.
I have been divided and spread, given away like a worthless good... I am empty, I am dead...
I gave up long ago, any attempt of trying. I want nothing, desire everything... "

... No, I refuse to accept that. I did not give you away! I never made you public property... You were lent to a few fortunate people, but when they refused to pay, the good was taken away, once again... You have a rightful owner, who gave up everything for you. That is where you want to be, that is what you should want...

"If that be true, then why do I ache at the sound of foreign words?... Why do I struggle, when it comes to forgetting?... Why is my armor rusting, unable to shine once again?... I have several owners, and they never payed me any respect, you would not let them... "

...But will you deny, that there is a part part that is still outstandingly radiant? The one part that has been taken care of? In time, this one little piece will be the only thing remaining. Everything else, will remain if not forgotten, then hidden in the shadow, locked behind heavy doors...

"Don't dare think that is so simple, it requires a great deal of effort. It narrows the impossible"

... Narrows it, but it never touches it...
Don't lose hope, is the only thing we have left...

Once upon a Question

"When you're so tired that you can't sleep...
Stuck in reverse..."
-'Fix You' : Cold Play

When you have nothing, Dignity is the only thing you cannot loose...

What if, that was the only thing that was lost?
Would running away do the trick? Or will the lack of it, haunt forever?

What if, every night felt like the end of the world? And every day would be just another curse?
Would Life-Long Dreams be worth pursuing? Or would the "come what may" be enough?

What if, everything was given, but nothing could be taken?
What if the right path taken, was not the best road to walk?
Could the Long Lost Child return more than twice?
And if so, how many times would it take for the Everlasting Arms to close?

What could one do, if whatever made one special, was equalled by many more?
Whatever is left to do, when the cage becomes smaller? And the exit seems invisible?
Could one Have the Cake, and waste it too?



"Will i wake up one morning,
and see your face
and the streaks on the window,
that the rainstorm makes?
could you bear all the waiting,
and the strength that it takes?

could i ever break away?"


Am I destined to subside? To give in to this empowering downward acceleration?
Will chemistry overcome logic?
And when it does, Will I jump? Will I drown?
Or will I be forced to continue hypocritically rising facial muscles?
Forced to rise Decibels of unease only on the inner part, while it submerges deep into Ultra-Tomb?

Will I be Saved?

Once upon an Alchemistic Addiction (AA)...

I indulged myself, once again, into Rehab...
This substance is addictive. I keep a life of solitude...seldomly sleeping (at a reasonable hour)

My every step is taken towards attaining more of this vicious venom... That green elixir that makes me come to life...
I have neglected every other thing, to make this my everything.

8 months, 240 days, have I been hooked up to this never ending vice.
I need more... More of this drug, this vivacious medicine... root of my pleasures, hunter of my dreams...

Moon after moon, I submerge in this self induced trance, waiting for the sweet taste of it. This hypersensible experience, where the heart races, the breath is shortened and pupils widen...

Adrenaline Rushes as soon as it is time, endorphins go flying a thousand at a time...This mephitic sentiment has me wanting more at a time, bordering an overdose... Threatening life as I know it, more than it already has...

The danger of it, is not the essence itself, but the constant compulsion and demand that make it highly risky... My future is endangered...

It is of an impracticable nature, letting go of this narcotic... It has become of my own nature...

When did I first try it?
Hard to tell...
I don't know it it was when I first laid eyes on it, or when those eyes were first laid on me...

When did I become addicted to them?
The moment he kissed me for the very fist time...