I indulged myself, once again, into Rehab...
This substance is addictive. I keep a life of solitude...seldomly sleeping (at a reasonable hour)
My every step is taken towards attaining more of this vicious venom... That green elixir that makes me come to life...
I have neglected every other thing, to make this my everything.
8 months, 240 days, have I been hooked up to this never ending vice.
I need more... More of this drug, this vivacious medicine... root of my pleasures, hunter of my dreams...
Moon after moon, I submerge in this self induced trance, waiting for the sweet taste of it. This hypersensible experience, where the heart races, the breath is shortened and pupils widen...
Adrenaline Rushes as soon as it is time, endorphins go flying a thousand at a time...This mephitic sentiment has me wanting more at a time, bordering an overdose... Threatening life as I know it, more than it already has...
The danger of it, is not the essence itself, but the constant compulsion and demand that make it highly risky... My future is endangered...
It is of an impracticable nature, letting go of this narcotic... It has become of my own nature...
When did I first try it?
Hard to tell...
I don't know it it was when I first laid eyes on it, or when those eyes were first laid on me...
When did I become addicted to them?
The moment he kissed me for the very fist time...
martes, 21 de octubre de 2008
martes, 23 de septiembre de 2008
Once upon a Fear...
"-Cuando fue la ultima vez que escribiste algo?
-Desde mi viaje
-Talvez ya no tienes nada que decir..."
- El lado Obscuro del Corazon
" After wasting endless hours of my so-called freedom, I, for the first time, opened the window to have a smoke... Fresh air hit me like a nail to the toe... I must be doing something wrong;
For the first time in a long time, I don't blame the symptoms on a supposed Hypocondria and face the fact that I might not be where I should be: Ecstatic...
I fear my return to the real life, and by avoiding reality, I therefore deny time...One year ago, I feared the unknown more than anything, now, I fear knowing everything...
Over the last 9 months, I've outgrown myself in so many levels, but now, I'm back at self sabotage... I got what I've always wanted, my perfect 10, my accurate list (so accurate, it frightens me)... Yet, I just want to run away from it, even thou I can't detach.
It brings to mind that painfully cheesy platitude: "be careful what you wish for"
I swore to follow the Gray Cloud, to let it lead me to promised land... But standing in the desert, looking at the horizon, I can see nothing but a clear sky...
I hate blue skies, they're so fake... I long for the warmth of raindrop, and the beauty of a snowflake...
Epiphany"
"-Hey, Randy, that's just the sun, coming out of the clouds...
- Yeah, but it did it only for me!"
-Desde mi viaje
-Talvez ya no tienes nada que decir..."
- El lado Obscuro del Corazon
" After wasting endless hours of my so-called freedom, I, for the first time, opened the window to have a smoke... Fresh air hit me like a nail to the toe... I must be doing something wrong;
For the first time in a long time, I don't blame the symptoms on a supposed Hypocondria and face the fact that I might not be where I should be: Ecstatic...
I fear my return to the real life, and by avoiding reality, I therefore deny time...One year ago, I feared the unknown more than anything, now, I fear knowing everything...
Over the last 9 months, I've outgrown myself in so many levels, but now, I'm back at self sabotage... I got what I've always wanted, my perfect 10, my accurate list (so accurate, it frightens me)... Yet, I just want to run away from it, even thou I can't detach.
It brings to mind that painfully cheesy platitude: "be careful what you wish for"
I swore to follow the Gray Cloud, to let it lead me to promised land... But standing in the desert, looking at the horizon, I can see nothing but a clear sky...
I hate blue skies, they're so fake... I long for the warmth of raindrop, and the beauty of a snowflake...
Epiphany"
"-Hey, Randy, that's just the sun, coming out of the clouds...
- Yeah, but it did it only for me!"
domingo, 13 de julio de 2008
Once Upon an Opera House
I walked down the stairs, taking one last look at that unattainable beauty...
It was truly an amazing work of architecture...
...from top to bottom, flawless...
One might have consider the surface to be the peak of its endless beauty, the sparkling water surrounding it made it more desirable, for it was unreachable...
No man could walk through the liquid barrier , and touch that work of perfection, for it out-casted itself...
Serving the only purpose of adorning the environment, creating the illusion of fitting in...
...I always knew there was more to it than what met the eye, however impossible to uncover it was...
never did I expect what I found...
As I thought I was lost, and cursed to never get more of that amazing view, it opened a door to me... I walked in, astonished of how the inside worked as an asymptote to perfection.
I began to explore it's every detail,noticing it narrowed the unblemished ultimate, but never quite touched it. For, when it revealed to me a number of it's darkest corners, it was damaged beyond repair.
I began to see myself in it's every window...
It mirrored me in a gracious manner, making me feel as beautiful as the building itself...
...Every aspect that was discovered, brought it closer to my endearment, forcing me to suppress the thought of a not so far along future, when I would have to leave it behind...
I got as close as it would let me, from the inside...
... I enjoyed whatever I was permitted to, restrained from entering it's core...
but allowed to catch a glimpse of it's magnitude... And however that blessed second lasted, when time stopped and everyone disappeared, will long live, for it was real...
Finally, I was ready to leave it behind, my heart ached, as I saw that marvelous piece of art for the last time, capturing whatever feeling it brought me...
... encapsulating it in reminisce for the dark days ahead...
I walked down the stairs, taking one last look at that unattainable beauty...
... walked to the other side of the tunnel, and when I came out on the other side, no longer being able to see the majestic view, a melancholic yet empowering feeling overcame me...
..I bid fare well, never to see it again in the same way, but promising to keep it near...
...And I walked away, from that envyous beauty that shall never be mine...
...but if only in the past...
It was truly an amazing work of architecture...
...from top to bottom, flawless...
One might have consider the surface to be the peak of its endless beauty, the sparkling water surrounding it made it more desirable, for it was unreachable...
No man could walk through the liquid barrier , and touch that work of perfection, for it out-casted itself...
Serving the only purpose of adorning the environment, creating the illusion of fitting in...
...I always knew there was more to it than what met the eye, however impossible to uncover it was...
never did I expect what I found...
As I thought I was lost, and cursed to never get more of that amazing view, it opened a door to me... I walked in, astonished of how the inside worked as an asymptote to perfection.
I began to explore it's every detail,noticing it narrowed the unblemished ultimate, but never quite touched it. For, when it revealed to me a number of it's darkest corners, it was damaged beyond repair.
I began to see myself in it's every window...
It mirrored me in a gracious manner, making me feel as beautiful as the building itself...
...Every aspect that was discovered, brought it closer to my endearment, forcing me to suppress the thought of a not so far along future, when I would have to leave it behind...
I got as close as it would let me, from the inside...
... I enjoyed whatever I was permitted to, restrained from entering it's core...
but allowed to catch a glimpse of it's magnitude... And however that blessed second lasted, when time stopped and everyone disappeared, will long live, for it was real...
Finally, I was ready to leave it behind, my heart ached, as I saw that marvelous piece of art for the last time, capturing whatever feeling it brought me...
... encapsulating it in reminisce for the dark days ahead...
I walked down the stairs, taking one last look at that unattainable beauty...
... walked to the other side of the tunnel, and when I came out on the other side, no longer being able to see the majestic view, a melancholic yet empowering feeling overcame me...
..I bid fare well, never to see it again in the same way, but promising to keep it near...
...And I walked away, from that envyous beauty that shall never be mine...
...but if only in the past...
martes, 13 de mayo de 2008
Once upon a Patriot Fairytale...
(8) Was the worst time Life could do us apart (8)
- Here i am. harold Taylor
El destino tiene una manera cruel de darte lo que quieres, y quitartelo sin prevencion alguna...
Todo empezo como una forma de subir la autoestima, y provar una leyenda urbana, pero lo que termine encontrando fue mas que un reto, fue un episodio dramatico cual Homero....
- "Nem Gond... " - dijo...
Ningun problema... (Kein Sorge, kein Problem...)
El problema, segun Ricardo Arjona, es que si hay un problema... El problema, es el no estar con el. Es caer en la tentacion, es llegar a dudar la veracidad del asunto...
Es llegar a amar lo inexistente...
Y llegar a odiar la verdad...
No es que no sea lo suficientemente buena para el, es que mi subconsciente cree que no lo es...
No es que lo este engañando, pero me cra una sensacion de seguridad creer que si...
El me ama, y yo lo amo...
Asi como ame los cuentos de Adas...
... asi como ame el amor...
Y asi como odio la descepcion....
... I once fell inlove with a poet, but all I loved was his soul...
I once fell inlove with a genius, but all i loved was his future...
... And now I love a dream, and still I love the complexity of him...
The wholeness he brings, the perfection in his imperfection...
The totallity of a unfinished work makes the challange more amusing, than the urge for Climbing, that Jaime Viñals once had...
- Here i am. harold Taylor
El destino tiene una manera cruel de darte lo que quieres, y quitartelo sin prevencion alguna...
Todo empezo como una forma de subir la autoestima, y provar una leyenda urbana, pero lo que termine encontrando fue mas que un reto, fue un episodio dramatico cual Homero....
- "Nem Gond... " - dijo...
Ningun problema... (Kein Sorge, kein Problem...)
El problema, segun Ricardo Arjona, es que si hay un problema... El problema, es el no estar con el. Es caer en la tentacion, es llegar a dudar la veracidad del asunto...
Es llegar a amar lo inexistente...
Y llegar a odiar la verdad...
No es que no sea lo suficientemente buena para el, es que mi subconsciente cree que no lo es...
No es que lo este engañando, pero me cra una sensacion de seguridad creer que si...
El me ama, y yo lo amo...
Asi como ame los cuentos de Adas...
... asi como ame el amor...
Y asi como odio la descepcion....
... I once fell inlove with a poet, but all I loved was his soul...
I once fell inlove with a genius, but all i loved was his future...
... And now I love a dream, and still I love the complexity of him...
The wholeness he brings, the perfection in his imperfection...
The totallity of a unfinished work makes the challange more amusing, than the urge for Climbing, that Jaime Viñals once had...
martes, 6 de mayo de 2008
Once upon a Birthday Present
(8) Viking #1, distracted my discretion...
... Such a Perfect Imperfection (8)
-Random Trivias, Harold Taylor
They say smell is the most reminiscing sense...
All though I agree, there is nothing that can bring images back as well as sound...
one simple song has brought back memories dating back light years...
...back to when supression was a form of liberation...
...Where every explanation could be neglected...
... Where self-destruction was a form of creation....
Last Night,
I conversed with the moon,
and the moon mirrored me:
> No... I am not what I was before, I've evolved... I am now one of THEM
> So that means you've de-evolved into that what you feared the most
> Yes... but at least I'm happy
> Are you really??
Then a cloud interruped our chat.
So...
My Happiness will forever remain a mystery
... Such a Perfect Imperfection (8)
-Random Trivias, Harold Taylor
They say smell is the most reminiscing sense...
All though I agree, there is nothing that can bring images back as well as sound...
one simple song has brought back memories dating back light years...
...back to when supression was a form of liberation...
...Where every explanation could be neglected...
... Where self-destruction was a form of creation....
Last Night,
I conversed with the moon,
and the moon mirrored me:
> No... I am not what I was before, I've evolved... I am now one of THEM
> So that means you've de-evolved into that what you feared the most
> Yes... but at least I'm happy
> Are you really??
Then a cloud interruped our chat.
So...
My Happiness will forever remain a mystery
sábado, 26 de abril de 2008
Once upon a Regret
"Why do you wear that stupid Man Suit???"
Ich habe jetzt angst...
Once I buy my ticket, there's no turning back. A simple piece of papper will be bezahled in 72 hours time...
Last days of the rest of my life, for once in my hands.
everything wird sich verandern...
I just dont want to regret having sacrificed so much, for something that's not real...
Hope is being lost...
How can this Not be for real, if its the most realistic dream that has ever haunted me...
Leben ist ZU kurz, es nicht zu geniessen....
Ich habe jetzt angst...
Once I buy my ticket, there's no turning back. A simple piece of papper will be bezahled in 72 hours time...
Last days of the rest of my life, for once in my hands.
everything wird sich verandern...
I just dont want to regret having sacrificed so much, for something that's not real...
Hope is being lost...
How can this Not be for real, if its the most realistic dream that has ever haunted me...
Leben ist ZU kurz, es nicht zu geniessen....
domingo, 20 de abril de 2008
Habia una vez, una ofenza
... Furitivamente leo ese conjunto de caracteres tecleados...
Acaso el ha caido tambien en el frenesi arrogante de esa ciudad?
La identidad propia se olvida con tanta facilidad...
no hace falta mas que una serie de impulsos alterados; un par de neurotransmisores y alguna que otra reaccion quimica...
Recuerdo de un pasado :
"Un lunes mas en esta realidad... No se si vivo, talvez solo existo...
... Un estado de completo hypnos se apodera de mi tiempo a cuentagotas...
No tengo mas preocupaciones que las instinctivas; he llegado al fin ultimo, segun Nitsche...
...Ser un(a) Super-Hombre, en plena era tecnologica...
No es un viaje de aprendizaje, ya no lo es; Es un viaje de auto-descubrir lo que siempre fue obvio.
Es un tiempo de placer desenfrenado; al no tener preocupaciones , la atencion se concentra en cuestiones superfluas..."
I now define what rules in this alternate reality...
....What is beautiful;
Or what becomes beautiful...
Acaso el ha caido tambien en el frenesi arrogante de esa ciudad?
La identidad propia se olvida con tanta facilidad...
no hace falta mas que una serie de impulsos alterados; un par de neurotransmisores y alguna que otra reaccion quimica...
Recuerdo de un pasado :
"Un lunes mas en esta realidad... No se si vivo, talvez solo existo...
... Un estado de completo hypnos se apodera de mi tiempo a cuentagotas...
No tengo mas preocupaciones que las instinctivas; he llegado al fin ultimo, segun Nitsche...
...Ser un(a) Super-Hombre, en plena era tecnologica...
No es un viaje de aprendizaje, ya no lo es; Es un viaje de auto-descubrir lo que siempre fue obvio.
Es un tiempo de placer desenfrenado; al no tener preocupaciones , la atencion se concentra en cuestiones superfluas..."
I now define what rules in this alternate reality...
....What is beautiful;
Or what becomes beautiful...
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