Es gab ein mahl, Wissenschaft

Es gibt einige zeite, wann ich mich selbst frage, ob was ich denke, dass ich weiss, ich wirklich weiss. 

Und dann, ich bin sicher, dass ich nichts weiss... Und als S. gesagt hat, das ist alles was ich weiss...

... Manchmahl, ich frage mich selbst, ob ich blind bin... Ob was ich sehe wirklich dort ist... 

... Vielleicht, ich sehe nur was ich sehen will... Vielleicht woruber ich sicher war, existiert nicht...

... Manchmahl, ich frage mich selbst, ob ich taub bin... Ob etwas klingt, die ich nicht hoeren will...

... Vielleicht, was ich zu ignorieren versuche, ist was mir sichern koennte... Vielleicht, was ich hoere hat niemahls geklingt, sondern es ist nur in meinem Kopf...

...Manchmahl, ich frage mich selbst, ob ich verrukt bin...

... Aber ich weiss diese anwort schon...

Habia una vez, a daily pill...

Y si escojo to aknoledge the fact que mi hipotesis inicial was true???
Que nececito external help, quimicos magicos destined to lighten meine graue Tage???
Wo bu zhidao...

I want to Stop acting... get real...
Pero la unica forma de ser real, es atraves de algo falzo...
Ich bin verbirrt... Nem Ertem...

Cada dia que pasa, I get a little more confused... Weiss nicht mehr, genau was ich machen sollte...
wo yao he wo nanpengyou zhu zai Vienna, buguo wo bu zhidao ruguo wo ta ai...
Wo aile(guo) ta, buguo xianzai, wo meyou yisi...

Talvez la senial esperada sera lo que necesito, maybe I'm waiting on an impossible...
Vieleicht was ich machen soll, ist nicht was ich gedacht habe.
Hai Keyi, ta he wo bu yao yichi shi...Nem Tudom...

Jenda!

Buguo, wo juede, wo yao xiabian...
I want Out...

Once upon an Open Heart

"... Shattered I stand... I belong to no one, for I belong to everybody.
I have been divided and spread, given away like a worthless good... I am empty, I am dead...
I gave up long ago, any attempt of trying. I want nothing, desire everything... "

... No, I refuse to accept that. I did not give you away! I never made you public property... You were lent to a few fortunate people, but when they refused to pay, the good was taken away, once again... You have a rightful owner, who gave up everything for you. That is where you want to be, that is what you should want...

"If that be true, then why do I ache at the sound of foreign words?... Why do I struggle, when it comes to forgetting?... Why is my armor rusting, unable to shine once again?... I have several owners, and they never payed me any respect, you would not let them... "

...But will you deny, that there is a part part that is still outstandingly radiant? The one part that has been taken care of? In time, this one little piece will be the only thing remaining. Everything else, will remain if not forgotten, then hidden in the shadow, locked behind heavy doors...

"Don't dare think that is so simple, it requires a great deal of effort. It narrows the impossible"

... Narrows it, but it never touches it...
Don't lose hope, is the only thing we have left...

Once upon a Question

"When you're so tired that you can't sleep...
Stuck in reverse..."
-'Fix You' : Cold Play

When you have nothing, Dignity is the only thing you cannot loose...

What if, that was the only thing that was lost?
Would running away do the trick? Or will the lack of it, haunt forever?

What if, every night felt like the end of the world? And every day would be just another curse?
Would Life-Long Dreams be worth pursuing? Or would the "come what may" be enough?

What if, everything was given, but nothing could be taken?
What if the right path taken, was not the best road to walk?
Could the Long Lost Child return more than twice?
And if so, how many times would it take for the Everlasting Arms to close?

What could one do, if whatever made one special, was equalled by many more?
Whatever is left to do, when the cage becomes smaller? And the exit seems invisible?
Could one Have the Cake, and waste it too?



"Will i wake up one morning,
and see your face
and the streaks on the window,
that the rainstorm makes?
could you bear all the waiting,
and the strength that it takes?

could i ever break away?"


Am I destined to subside? To give in to this empowering downward acceleration?
Will chemistry overcome logic?
And when it does, Will I jump? Will I drown?
Or will I be forced to continue hypocritically rising facial muscles?
Forced to rise Decibels of unease only on the inner part, while it submerges deep into Ultra-Tomb?

Will I be Saved?

Once upon an Alchemistic Addiction (AA)...

I indulged myself, once again, into Rehab...
This substance is addictive. I keep a life of solitude...seldomly sleeping (at a reasonable hour)

My every step is taken towards attaining more of this vicious venom... That green elixir that makes me come to life...
I have neglected every other thing, to make this my everything.

8 months, 240 days, have I been hooked up to this never ending vice.
I need more... More of this drug, this vivacious medicine... root of my pleasures, hunter of my dreams...

Moon after moon, I submerge in this self induced trance, waiting for the sweet taste of it. This hypersensible experience, where the heart races, the breath is shortened and pupils widen...

Adrenaline Rushes as soon as it is time, endorphins go flying a thousand at a time...This mephitic sentiment has me wanting more at a time, bordering an overdose... Threatening life as I know it, more than it already has...

The danger of it, is not the essence itself, but the constant compulsion and demand that make it highly risky... My future is endangered...

It is of an impracticable nature, letting go of this narcotic... It has become of my own nature...

When did I first try it?
Hard to tell...
I don't know it it was when I first laid eyes on it, or when those eyes were first laid on me...

When did I become addicted to them?
The moment he kissed me for the very fist time...

Once upon a Fear...

"-Cuando fue la ultima vez que escribiste algo?
-Desde mi viaje
-Talvez ya no tienes nada que decir..."

- El lado Obscuro del Corazon


" After wasting endless hours of my so-called freedom, I, for the first time, opened the window to have a smoke... Fresh air hit me like a nail to the toe... I must be doing something wrong;
For the first time in a long time, I don't blame the symptoms on a supposed Hypocondria and face the fact that I might not be where I should be: Ecstatic...

I fear my return to the real life, and by avoiding reality, I therefore deny time...One year ago, I feared the unknown more than anything, now, I fear knowing everything...

Over the last 9 months, I've outgrown myself in so many levels, but now, I'm back at self sabotage... I got what I've always wanted, my perfect 10, my accurate list (so accurate, it frightens me)... Yet, I just want to run away from it, even thou I can't detach.

It brings to mind that painfully cheesy platitude: "be careful what you wish for"

I swore to follow the Gray Cloud, to let it lead me to promised land... But standing in the desert, looking at the horizon, I can see nothing but a clear sky...

I hate blue skies, they're so fake... I long for the warmth of raindrop, and the beauty of a snowflake...

Epiphany"



"-Hey, Randy, that's just the sun, coming out of the clouds...
- Yeah, but it did it only for me!"

Once Upon an Opera House

I walked down the stairs, taking one last look at that unattainable beauty...

It was truly an amazing work of architecture...
...from top to bottom, flawless...

One might have consider the surface to be the peak of its endless beauty, the sparkling water surrounding it made it more desirable, for it was unreachable...
No man could walk through the liquid barrier , and touch that work of perfection, for it out-casted itself...
Serving the only purpose of adorning the environment, creating the illusion of fitting in...

...I always knew there was more to it than what met the eye, however impossible to uncover it was...
never did I expect what I found...

As I thought I was lost, and cursed to never get more of that amazing view, it opened a door to me... I walked in, astonished of how the inside worked as an asymptote to perfection.
I began to explore it's every detail,noticing it narrowed the unblemished ultimate, but never quite touched it. For, when it revealed to me a number of it's darkest corners, it was damaged beyond repair.

I began to see myself in it's every window...
It mirrored me in a gracious manner, making me feel as beautiful as the building itself...
...Every aspect that was discovered, brought it closer to my endearment, forcing me to suppress the thought of a not so far along future, when I would have to leave it behind...

I got as close as it would let me, from the inside...
... I enjoyed whatever I was permitted to, restrained from entering it's core...
but allowed to catch a glimpse of it's magnitude... And however that blessed second lasted, when time stopped and everyone disappeared, will long live, for it was real...

Finally, I was ready to leave it behind, my heart ached, as I saw that marvelous piece of art for the last time, capturing whatever feeling it brought me...
... encapsulating it in reminisce for the dark days ahead...

I walked down the stairs, taking one last look at that unattainable beauty...
... walked to the other side of the tunnel, and when I came out on the other side, no longer being able to see the majestic view, a melancholic yet empowering feeling overcame me...

..I bid fare well, never to see it again in the same way, but promising to keep it near...

...And I walked away, from that envyous beauty that shall never be mine...

...but if only in the past...