once upon a bbm

She asked me if I was fine... I wasn't.

"yup" I replied with a garnishing smiley.

I have been battling this for some time now, and it was starting to get the best of me. Excuses.

No longer being able to control the receptors I reside in a limbo of numbness. Days become nights that become light that become dark. In between, there are mild episodes of emotions.

The diagnostic has been give. I know what I have. To fight it means doing something about it. That's the hard part... doing...

Once upon a .com

"Das Dramatische bezeichnet die Konflikt zwischen einer fragilen Subjektivität und dem Überhang an kulturell produzierten Dingen, angefangen von den plüschigen Interieurs bürgerlicher Wohnungen, in denen jede Perspektive erstickt ist bis hin zu einer Waffentechnik, die einmal entfesselt den menschlichen Körper auf seine bloße Materialität reduziert; ein Konflikt, in dem der Traum von einer gelingenden Individuation auf das Maß einer reinen Überlebensfrage reduziert wird. "

I exist only upon unexisting pages.

If the w^3 was ever to disappear, so would I.

Whenever did we stop being physical representations and become mirages of our online personas?
No longer a vision of externality, our Ego is fed by the amount of RTs and vaguely approving cyber hand gestures.

"did you get my message, did it send?"

Where are the love letters, stained by running tears? Where are the endless nights walking and talking?

The more we get into life in The Cloud, the less capable we are to survive outside of it.

Our invisible captivity can never come to an end, or our sense of accomplishment would never endure the wilderness of society.

Glances and half muttered maybes are substituted by smilies and shares...devotion by lack of proximity and upvotes.

We confide in complete strangers, yet avoid vulnerability to those surrounding, in the hope they find it in our written word.

Our world has become enslaved by unintelligent AI. Symbiotic leeches, to them, to ourselves.

I long the day I will feel the sun upon my face and not feel the need to post.

Once Upon an Iron Fist

Nuevamente frente a la pantalla y sin nada que decir... supongo que el documentar se convertirá en mi legado. Las imágenes son sólo para aquellos presentes, pero las palabras...¡Las palabras son vida!

Legendaria, así fue descrita, así la describo... legendaria. Mi lápida leerá "Legendaria". O eso quiero creer.

Aparte de un par de versos, no logro trascender a la inmortalidad. ¿Qué es lo que me hará ser recordada? Una vez el viento sople y lleve el último pétalo con él ¿qué soy yo? más que una pequeña huella en el espacio.

Mi historia es ordinariamente extraordinaria, mi crónica es inexistente... Y mientras más de ella hay que contar, menos vale la pena hacerlo. He vivido, no lo voy a negar, pero ¿de qué me sirve vivir, si no lo torno en épicas a lo Marco Polo o canciones de Ricardo Arjona?

Nadie es más que un grano de arena, pero todos asumimos ser piedras preciosas, ¿de qué sirve ser uno del montón y tener una crisis existencial? ¿Acaso alguien ha encontrado la receta para sobresalir? .... Trabajo duro, dicen muchos... No, no es así.

El 90% de la gente trabaja duro toda su vida, se conforma. Nace, crece, se reproduce (y sus bienes) y muere. Pero el 10%, ese 10% que sale a buscar, que se cuestiona, es criticado y con justa razón. Al final de la vida ¿Quién logró más? ¿Quién está más satisfecho?

Seré yo, Maestro?

Habia una vez un talvez....

Si lograras escuchar lo que digo entre lineas, si esquivaras mis juegos y obviaras mi indiferencia… Si el orgullo no fuera obstáculo, si los peros no se acumularan… seria otra historia.

Y si en un universo paralelo, esa historia se repitiera en un pasado, si el fin fuera lo opuesto, y en esta realidad se reflejaran dos sonrisas que no conocieran actos maquiavélicos ni dudas endemoniadas, lograrías ser escucha de lo que fue dicho entre lineas.

Once Upon a Slumber...

So… here’s the deal; I am 22 years old, and am still nowhere near figuring it out. One might think it acceptable to struggle when young, but after 3 winters resolving not one thing, concern rises.

I still don’t know if I lean towards the intellectual or the creative, I don’t even know if they ally… I don’t know if I’m sentimental. Or unnatached. And have no clue as to what next steps should be taken.

I reached the goal I worked so hard for, now there’s no other ziel. I glide over midnights and live a double life…I’m avatar as I wake up…

I have done things most people only dream of, and now I only long for slumber…

The path to follow has been covered with dirt, impossible to discern. There is no road , so in hopes of not being lost, I keep a straight path, following the horizon… it will eventually lead me nowhere… But at least I’ll be there…

There is one chance of having a light… Of winning the lottery… It is all about listening… And then, the path will emerge, and I will Follow the Yellow Brick Road unto Emerald city…

where I belong...

Once Upon the 5 stages

So... basically I'm stuck between face 4 and 5... I have denied myself, overcome wrath and I have bargained as much as I could. But I can't seem to shake of that one last step, so that I can finally accept grief and move on with it. 

There are a pair of angry reminiscing eyes stuck to a reflection of an irrecognizeble phantom. The voices outside my shelter remind me it's ok to step out of the shadows; that the cage I live in is only made up of self-imposed fears... that if I go out of this room, nobody will judge me...I will be one more...

Still, I choose to turn of my phone and hide in the darkness of obliteration....

The one light that brings me out of this cocoon of misery, determined it was better to disregard the issue and play blind. This time, it is for me to solve on my own... no arms to cry on... 

...No reason for doing so... 

...IT IS TIME TO ACCEPT AND MOVE ON...

Once upon a Conversation-Breaker

"6 numbers, one more to dial, before I'm before you

 ...One of the many, one of the few, to stand back and wait for you..."

The politone of the over-familiar cyber bells tell my heart that it's time to race. For a long time I have avoided the annoyance of human contact via the immediate superficiality of written non-sense... Nowadays I long for it...I long for you...

The first approach is made; The Ice we have been building for the last couple of eternal hours is broken by whoever is less prideful at the moment; 

A simple hello, nothing more, followed by a wistful remark. The epics of a one moon-expedition are exchanged, after reciting high-lights, the inevitable 'Puesi' strikes... Our Nemesis...

If only I was allowed once and for all to reach out to you, and let you in; no 5-foot wall to separate us... If only I got to share what already has to lay 6-feet under, as I once did... If only you could read my mind, as sometimes you appear to do, there would be absolutely no need for the conversation-breaker, awkwardness-riser 'Puesi'...

'I fell in love with the dream that I built of you

playing the part of your queen

taking my own advice

I'm giving up tonight

good luck to you, my king'

But as human as we are I give up on giving up,  and am obliged to continue going around Jericho, once again. Log in, hoping the fortification around your heart and your eyes finally succumbs, and you get to see me for who I am: yourself. 

That way, maybe when you do, I will become the politone that makes your heart race...

Habia una vez un Requiem de momentos...

"analiza mis versos y destruyelos 

ojo critico de verdad, matematico

analiza mis palabras, catedratico

hazlas polvo con mis suenios..."

Me pediste que lo escribiera, como un recuerdo... Una vez lo hablamos, moriria en el momento...

Escribir acerca de escribir... un tanto redundante... 

Si se escribe acerca de pasiones, por que no escribir de la mia: las palabras... 

"Dame una pluma y tinta,

una hija; un papel.

Dame un poema,

un escrito en sangre, en lagrimas

Dame un cuento, un suenio;

Un Deseo

Escribeme un beso 

y te dedicare mis versos;

Dedicame tu soneto 

y escribire en tu alma

Apasioname, rima ilegible,

Apasioname, suspiro trazado.

Y con una sola letra,

dejame ser una palabra;

una frase; una pasion..."

'Escribir, creo, es una forma de supervivencia' Comente entre varios temas aleatorios.'...es la forma en que tu Yo presente sobrevive en el futuro.' 

Me pediste que lo escribiera, como un recuerdo... Una vez lo hablamos, hubo muerto el momento...asta ahora

Once Upon General Knowledge

 "Stop There 

and let me correct it....

I want to live a life from a new Perspective..."

-Panic! at the Disco

Gentlemen, 

Start Your Engines.... 

This is the day, where I re-invent myself. The day when I get out of my asphyxiating cocoon to commence my inner flight...

This is the day I am born...

To be noted in every Encyclopedia that I am no longer. To be written upon every Calendar the date in my History changed... 

...To be commented upon the news, I am no longer who I am: I've evolved into who I was...

Once Upon an Inspiration

"Lets get into any black hole together

And risk ourselves to know the unknown

Just the two of us together."

                                  - Carlos R. Salazar 

As the silables begin to pile, 

a new meaning becomes it's words

a passionate melody begins to form. 

A song written, never to be heard...

To fill a white page, as ours have been filled, takes numerous efforts in living

...the worthy opponent, a harmful adventure...

To write a story, based on memories, takes courage

...to face one's fantoms and translate into words...

To endure one season, of this simulated journey, takes an amount of clever inception ... too rare to uncover, too rare to assemble...

It is in this scarce episodic phenomenon that we find the adduction needed to create the unexisting ink, to write upon absent sheets of blank ,the interweaved route where our footprints have met... 

And predict when they will meet again... 

Once upon two Roads

THAT IS IT!!!!

Not one more way NOT to make a light bulb... I'm done!

The ultimatum has been given...

one of the roads diverging in a yellow wood has to be traveled, not sorry I cannot take both, Ich darf nicht lange Zeit stehen bleiben...

On the one side, there's a sunday morning and the rain is falling, I've stolen some covers and shared some skin... It's not precisely raining green, but surviving is a way of living. The warmth inside makes up for the cold overall, and a crowd of tynies substitutes the crowd from a tiny. It did not reach the top of the pyramid, but the closeness makes it the same.  On Sunny Days, the black and white film of the "what if's?" plays again and again...

On the other hand, I explore the familiarly unknown uncovering what I already knew... I find it. But leave it all behind, in a way that I only move through what has already been mastered. I lead a life of escorted solitude with what was supposed to be there on the first place. I am still nowhere, but I am good at being there...

Aaaand>>>>>   TA-DAAAAA.....

ok... 

the light bulb is not working :S

Once Upon a Wall

"El acelerador se hunde cada vez mas, al tiempo que la velocidad crece... No es un camino despejado, la colision es inminente; Es Necesaria... "

Insignia especial: experta en nudos... 

Nudos en la garganta, imposibles de deshacer. Nudos en el pelo, de las prolongadas horas en pocision horizontal. Nudos en la mente... continuamente encontrando la forma de volverse a formar... 

"Happiness is what you get when all your wishes come true... isn't it?" 

- The Ghost 

3,2,1...

....Still waiting...

"La pared se acerca a 70 km/h... 80... 100... el espidometro es solo una forma mas de cuantificar informacion totalmente innecesaria. Dejo de verlo...

De que me sirve saber a que velocidad chocare contra esa inesquibable barrera?  

Frenar????

Si... es una opcion... 

pero, escojo seguir acelerando...

tarde o temprano me revolcare en escombros, es solo cuestion de tiempo; 

para que posponerla?"

And the beat goes on... 

The blood-cooling never-stopping over-charged engine, against it's better judgement, does not want to give up... 

Give up....

...Give In...

"Un fuerte sonido acompaniado de un espectaculo de chatarra voladora produce el asombro de los expectadores, todos imaginarios..."

Once upon a Playground

Up... then down... 

The rusty scream of joint metals creates a bittersweet symphony...

The opposing weights on a see-saw mark the pattern followed... It's sky-high for a moment, and ground low the next.
Never knowing what will happen, I'm torn between pushing as hard as I can, and letting myself fall...

Holding in to the past, yet reaching out to the not-so-near future... Opposite mirror images emerge... with only one thing in common: Jetzt...

As the sun falls down, I know I am obliged to push up one last time, but the strength required has already left me...  I am done for... I am dead... and I will remain so, until sun morning comes once more.

Once upon Taciturnity

What ever is there left to say?

When words fall flat on the clouded floor, and epiphany is knocking at your Cellar Door...

What is there left to say?

Denial is a way of survival, acceptance twilights you into another zone. And the words not said, are the ones that hurt to the bone...


When it is better to say nothing than say everything at all...
...What ever is there left to say?

Letters stand next to each other...
...Laconic...
...Moronic...

Stares glace at each other...
...Harmful...
...Dreadful...

Obvious silent Truths face each other...
...Mascarating...
...Liberating...

And when everything has been said in the deafening scream of reticence...

What is there left to say?

Once upon a silence

. . . dot, dot, dot. . . 

...Words are strangers to me... enemies...

Aware of what has to be said, my fingers do not manage to type.

 Can I trust my printer, to carry the message through?

day in 

day out... 

16 days... and it's done...

whenever will certainty strike?

. . . dot, dot, dot. . .

The room remains in a deafening silence. The endless buzz of an overworked computer is entrancing. 

A cold drop of vanity runs through my back, freezing down to my bones. 

. . . dot, dot, dot. . .

...The words not said,  hold more power than those shout out loud...

Es gab ein mahl, Wissenschaft

Es gibt einige zeite, wann ich mich selbst frage, ob was ich denke, dass ich weiss, ich wirklich weiss. 

Und dann, ich bin sicher, dass ich nichts weiss... Und als S. gesagt hat, das ist alles was ich weiss...

... Manchmahl, ich frage mich selbst, ob ich blind bin... Ob was ich sehe wirklich dort ist... 

... Vielleicht, ich sehe nur was ich sehen will... Vielleicht woruber ich sicher war, existiert nicht...

... Manchmahl, ich frage mich selbst, ob ich taub bin... Ob etwas klingt, die ich nicht hoeren will...

... Vielleicht, was ich zu ignorieren versuche, ist was mir sichern koennte... Vielleicht, was ich hoere hat niemahls geklingt, sondern es ist nur in meinem Kopf...

...Manchmahl, ich frage mich selbst, ob ich verrukt bin...

... Aber ich weiss diese anwort schon...

Habia una vez, a daily pill...

Y si escojo to aknoledge the fact que mi hipotesis inicial was true???
Que nececito external help, quimicos magicos destined to lighten meine graue Tage???
Wo bu zhidao...

I want to Stop acting... get real...
Pero la unica forma de ser real, es atraves de algo falzo...
Ich bin verbirrt... Nem Ertem...

Cada dia que pasa, I get a little more confused... Weiss nicht mehr, genau was ich machen sollte...
wo yao he wo nanpengyou zhu zai Vienna, buguo wo bu zhidao ruguo wo ta ai...
Wo aile(guo) ta, buguo xianzai, wo meyou yisi...

Talvez la senial esperada sera lo que necesito, maybe I'm waiting on an impossible...
Vieleicht was ich machen soll, ist nicht was ich gedacht habe.
Hai Keyi, ta he wo bu yao yichi shi...Nem Tudom...

Jenda!

Buguo, wo juede, wo yao xiabian...
I want Out...

Once upon an Open Heart

"... Shattered I stand... I belong to no one, for I belong to everybody.
I have been divided and spread, given away like a worthless good... I am empty, I am dead...
I gave up long ago, any attempt of trying. I want nothing, desire everything... "

... No, I refuse to accept that. I did not give you away! I never made you public property... You were lent to a few fortunate people, but when they refused to pay, the good was taken away, once again... You have a rightful owner, who gave up everything for you. That is where you want to be, that is what you should want...

"If that be true, then why do I ache at the sound of foreign words?... Why do I struggle, when it comes to forgetting?... Why is my armor rusting, unable to shine once again?... I have several owners, and they never payed me any respect, you would not let them... "

...But will you deny, that there is a part part that is still outstandingly radiant? The one part that has been taken care of? In time, this one little piece will be the only thing remaining. Everything else, will remain if not forgotten, then hidden in the shadow, locked behind heavy doors...

"Don't dare think that is so simple, it requires a great deal of effort. It narrows the impossible"

... Narrows it, but it never touches it...
Don't lose hope, is the only thing we have left...

Once upon a Question

"When you're so tired that you can't sleep...
Stuck in reverse..."
-'Fix You' : Cold Play

When you have nothing, Dignity is the only thing you cannot loose...

What if, that was the only thing that was lost?
Would running away do the trick? Or will the lack of it, haunt forever?

What if, every night felt like the end of the world? And every day would be just another curse?
Would Life-Long Dreams be worth pursuing? Or would the "come what may" be enough?

What if, everything was given, but nothing could be taken?
What if the right path taken, was not the best road to walk?
Could the Long Lost Child return more than twice?
And if so, how many times would it take for the Everlasting Arms to close?

What could one do, if whatever made one special, was equalled by many more?
Whatever is left to do, when the cage becomes smaller? And the exit seems invisible?
Could one Have the Cake, and waste it too?



"Will i wake up one morning,
and see your face
and the streaks on the window,
that the rainstorm makes?
could you bear all the waiting,
and the strength that it takes?

could i ever break away?"


Am I destined to subside? To give in to this empowering downward acceleration?
Will chemistry overcome logic?
And when it does, Will I jump? Will I drown?
Or will I be forced to continue hypocritically rising facial muscles?
Forced to rise Decibels of unease only on the inner part, while it submerges deep into Ultra-Tomb?

Will I be Saved?

Once upon an Alchemistic Addiction (AA)...

I indulged myself, once again, into Rehab...
This substance is addictive. I keep a life of solitude...seldomly sleeping (at a reasonable hour)

My every step is taken towards attaining more of this vicious venom... That green elixir that makes me come to life...
I have neglected every other thing, to make this my everything.

8 months, 240 days, have I been hooked up to this never ending vice.
I need more... More of this drug, this vivacious medicine... root of my pleasures, hunter of my dreams...

Moon after moon, I submerge in this self induced trance, waiting for the sweet taste of it. This hypersensible experience, where the heart races, the breath is shortened and pupils widen...

Adrenaline Rushes as soon as it is time, endorphins go flying a thousand at a time...This mephitic sentiment has me wanting more at a time, bordering an overdose... Threatening life as I know it, more than it already has...

The danger of it, is not the essence itself, but the constant compulsion and demand that make it highly risky... My future is endangered...

It is of an impracticable nature, letting go of this narcotic... It has become of my own nature...

When did I first try it?
Hard to tell...
I don't know it it was when I first laid eyes on it, or when those eyes were first laid on me...

When did I become addicted to them?
The moment he kissed me for the very fist time...